The decision

The wound is no longer fresh now so I think it's about time to write about why I am still here. The deal was made in June for me to move back to Singapore and work for Intuition after I finish the first term in October.Yes, it’s October and I am still undertaking the MIM program instead of working for a new company in Singapore.

In August, I started to think that I ought to complete the degree before going back to work, but I wasn't so sure. Anyway, when I was pressed for final word as the company wanted to start processing paperwork I told them I changed my mind. Pak gave me a call early September to ask for my rationale, she said the company really needed this headcount and they'd have to recruit a new person to take my place if I really not going. That was somehow convinced me, originally I thought Robert made the offer because he just wanted to help me while the company didn't really have the need.

But, before this phone call, there was an incident that led me to think I should be home. That week, I was out everyday from Mon-Fri, busy with my own stuffs. Then on Saturday I drove my mom to Chantaburi, 400 km to the east of Bangkok, as she wanted to order the wooden massaging beds that she got the supplier's contact from her frequent Ayuravej massage parlor. We didn't manage the time well for this trip and didn't have time for proper seafood meal before dark, so we just stopped by in Rayong and had dinner at the local all-night market. We reached home very late that night and I left home early the next morning for the TAT exhibition my friend was having a booth to promote his new camping resort. About 5pm I got a call from my sister that mom was sent to hospital, by a neighbor. It was me who left her alone at home, one of my sis was on trip while the other was at work. She had the symptoms of food poisoning, a very bad one and couldn’t reach me so she called my sister at work then she had to call one of our neighbor to come by (he had to climb over the fence as mom was too weak to open the gate) and drive mom to hospital. I felt extremely guilty for leaving her at home alone to enjoy myself. That day I thought I should never leave her alone again.

After taking to Pak, I had a second (or third, or fourth..I'm not sure) thought and I asked my mom if she'd move with me. I knew the answer well before I actually asked. Throughout the 5 years I was there, none of my family member ever visit. The closest one was my bro stop over at Changi on his way back from Edmonton, and that doesn't count for me.

So I talked to my sis, testing the water if one of them would quit the job to stay at home for mom wouldn’t be alone. Getting a maid or that kind of domestic helper won't work, I'm pretty sure that whoever took the job would soon turn against us and it will finally be a threat to mom's well being instead of a help. My sister strongly turned down my proposal. She made it clear she wanted me to stay here and finish my master, no oversea post. We had a long debate. Even though I knew where she came from, and deepdown I kind of agree that is the way it should be, I still got so upset. I guess it's my habit to protest when I don't get what I want. It's also my habit to get so convinced by my own argument that it became utterly bitter having to stay home. I felt as though I really want to go only when I could not go.

There is no moral of the story, I just want to keep this entry as a memorandum for myself in case one day I forgot what happened.

Coffee my love

If i ever forget again why i should not drink coffee
1) i easily get addicted to caffeine, if I drink regularly and miss it on anyday i will feel horribly lethargic. My mood'd swing so badly
2) it causes water retention, I'd feel so bloated
3) it worsen my gastric problem
4) my teeth got stained with coffee (or tea or any brown colored food-- for that matter) and it's a pain to get it removed. I hate dental clinics.
5) Drinking coffee made my facial skin turn rough and worsen the pigmentation
6) My hair turns dried and dull and easily splited

etc etc

I need more discipline in my life

Hectic weeks

I lost count of my days off friendster, actually I didn't think of logging in anymore since my last effort trying to upload a photo to my blog there. I failed, the reason given was 'you had uploaded 60 photos this month, the limit is 50' !!! The fact was I didn't even login for one whole month, How silly!

Last two weeks has been busy, Ma's Birthday , classes, project work, presentation, interview, psychomatic test, reunion with ex colleague and college friend, parties with classmates, hosting a visitor from Germany (not a happy ending on this one, we kicked him out of the house on Monday)

The week after my tasting trip we started MK611 class and I finally met Isaree's boss for a discussion about an opportunity at her company. Interesting thing was he agreed to come meet me after my class, and he came all the way to RachDamnern to meet me at 10pm! The following week he asked me to come to the office for the second round of interview, while I was wondering what was left to discuss in this round, it turned out that he just wanted his uncle who just flew in from UK to talk to me. The uncle asked me to take the psychomatic test he uses for recruiting at his own company and I didn't see it's a problem. I didn't hear from them for 3 days since I took the test so I asked Isaree what was going on. She got the information for me on the next day, the test result said I was intelligent (very--according to the test) but I am not flexible, so the uncle didn't agree to hire me. If you ask me, that test was a piece of crap. The IQ portion of the test was very limited, like 15 questions. The EQ portion was full of invalid questions and the pre-selected answers were mixed up. But, well, who i am to know better than those psychologist designing the test to read people personalities.

Class for the first half of MK611 ended on Monday night, we had a farewell party for the professor at Mayom Puri in Soi Khao Sarn. I gave a few mates a ride to the restaurant and Goffy commented that my car was such a mess. The party was cool, actually I believe I enjoyed the party more because I've earned more respects from my classmates through a couple of recent events. First was the project presentation where I appeared in the roleplay (it was my idea to have a short skit in the middle of presentation, original actors left it to me to write the script-promising they would act whatever I wrote, after I showed them the script, the actress suddenly lost her voice and we needed to swap roles...you get the idea) and my performance was hillarious, a side of me they never seen. The other incident was among the 2 syndicate groups while we went for a karaoke outing together last Sunday, finally they realized who the boss is!

Since Monday, I have been going out every day. Dim Sum lunch with Kaori followed by a job talk with ISS team on Tuesday, Sashimi lunch on Wednesday, Helping a classmate at tourism exhibition on Thursday (plus dinner date with my study group). In between these activities, I've been reading, some of Murakami series, a Franz Kafka and a few fictions.

I started Murakami's with 'Kafka on the shore', then I loan 'South of the border, West of the Sun' from a library. After that I borrow another 7 books from a friend and I've read 'Hear the wind sing', 'Norwegian Wood', "Hard Boiled Wonderland' and I just finished 'A Wild Sheep Chase' today. The lender insisted that Norwegian Wood is the best but I disagree. To me, that book is the most boring of the series so far. I'm fine with 'hear the wind sing' and I really like 'Wonderland' and 'Sheep chase'. But the best in my mind's still Kafka on the shore.

I also got a hold of the real 'Kafka' work from the library, the book's titled 'Metamorphosis'. I love his style, no rush, simple yet powerful choice of words. In the silence of the story I could feel the universe was stretching. One thing I wonder was why it's called 'Metamorphosis' as that term supposed for the 4-stage of morphing... like in mosquito's life cycle. But Gregor, the main character in this story just went through 1 transformation overnight. I think Kafka use this morphing as a metaphor, Gregor's change from a human being to a giant bug is an obvious transformation, but in reality, the changes in our lives usually are not as obvious. I have the chance to conceal the changes in my ways of thinking, my belief, my sense of what is right and what is wrong. When I choose to conceal them, people around me don't have the same chance as Gregor's family to realize that I am not the same person they had known. When Gregor realized that his new form was not welcome by his loved ones, he didn't have to do anything. His new form enable him to be able to starve to death effortlessly. In my case, I just couldn't make it happen.

Oh, I also lost my 'small talk' on Wednesday. I guess I droped it somewhere in the library as I remember seeing it when I was inside, but I couldn't find it when I got back to the car. I went back to my desk but it wasn't there. I went back again on Thursday and checked with the staff for lost&found but no one reported my smalltalk! That's a very sad ending, I'm foreced to part with my lifesafer-- from now on I have to go back to my dull life inwhich I can't chat while driving.

Taste of Singapore

First day in Singapore for the tasting trip, I brought my mom in the hope of showing her how Singapore food is. I hope she would enjoy the trip. But, no! it was a big mistake! She only enjoyed a little on the first day, after that it's all complaints I heard! Anyway, Here are some photos we took at Scarlet hotel where we checked in.
a) This is the scarlet couch at the corner of front desk.

b) Inside the room, study table
c) Ma and me on the black couch @ Bold
d) & e) Ma chilling in the room

Haruki Murakami

I'm hooked.

I was the the Stock Exchange's library studying for my exam today so I browsed the Literature shelves for a while. I found 'South of the border, west of the Sun' by Haruki Murakami, this one was translated to Thai by someone unknown to me. It couldn't compare to Kafka on the shore, I finished reading this short story without being intriqued. Or it's more honest to say I didn't really get what the core idea of the story is.
...
Maybe that's the point, maybe that supposed to be the charm of the story. I'm just not sophisticated enough to appreciate it.

The following week I met a friend who's a Murakami fan and he had the whole collection, 7 books that I haven't read. I told him that Kafka is supposedly the best of Murakami works and he got all defensive. His favorite was Norwegian Wood and he wanted to believe that it's the best. He had yet to read Kafka. This whole situation worked in my favor! I made a deal to borrow his 7 books in exchange of loaning him my one Kafka book!

After reading a few books including my friend's favorite, I still insist that Kafka is Murakami's all time best story.

sorry..

Kafka on the Shore

Today i heard a song on radio, it was kind of bland and the singer didn't have the voice that'd suit my taste. However, when I listened carefully for the lyric, it was actually a very beautiful poem. I remember bits like 'how to forget to remember you.' I will find more info about this song later.

Recommended by an influential character of mine, I turned a few pages in English version a month ago and thought it was a too-difficult read. Today when I passed by a bookshop I found the Thai translation of this book and since the translator is Noppadol Vejsawas whom I'm loyal to since I read his works all my life, from the science magazines and from the translation of Asimov's Foundation series. I finally got the hint that this book must be a quality sci-fi so I didn't hesitate to buy it.

Day 1: After reading pass the intro (Which was the one chapter I first skimmed in English version) I realized the story isn't that heavy nor too difficult actually. I'd love to continue reading but I promised my classmates to sum up the marketing models to use in coming exam and another small group review session on Friday, so I had to hold my thirst and worked on the class material first.

Day 2: Had to leave the exam preparation and bring my 'family asset' to her scheduled massage, so I took the opportunity to give myself a break and bring along Kafka on the Shore to read during the 2 hours waiting. The book employs multi-tellers technique which I have seen more in Japanese novels during the past few years, it's good, really. It also reminded me of Sophie's world (by Jostein Garrner) I read many years back. That book was also about teaching complicated philosophies in an easy-to-understand manner, digesting the sophisticated topics by bits and pieces and referring to everyday life. Sophie was a girl who had the chances to learn all those philosophies and finally came to realize that she herself was actually just a character in the book a father wrote for his daughter, how could she be not real when she had her own cognition? That's the key, at least to me. I wonder where my Sophie's book is, I'd mislocated many books with all the moves. . .

Back to Kafka on the Shore, this book has a much darker shade than Sophie though both use similar methologies; semiotics, Greek myth, speaking cats. How should it be classified in the library? Of course, novel! What a silly question! I just wonder whether it's a thriller? Science fiction? Fantasy? Philosophy? But it's a real unput-downable read! I finished the first half this afternoon and planning to sneak a few more hours to read it tonight. Dah.. What will happen to me on the exam!

Day 2 Part 2: I stayed up almost all night to finish it, I skipped most of the narrative parts of course. I don't know a real Kafka but I intend to look for his work to find out more. I don't know this Murakami Haruki neither, is this his usual writing style? Is he already a famous, well established writer or is he just starting his career? I went back to the book's preface and found out he had actually won many prizes and is now a professor at Princeton, so I guess he won't bother to explain more of each character in this book by writing any other books for them. I'm a little disappointed, feeling the story here is a little too much towards Twilight zone's instead of my expected Sci-fi. But it's still a good story indeed. The ending didn't upset me the way Alchemist's did.

I came across the English version of this book again while browsing the bookstore in Changi terminal, this time I flipped to certain parts to see how they're written in English. I had to admit that Khun Noppadol had outdone himself again, his Thai version boasts more tastes and depth in literature. The English version is pale in comparison, I'm glad I read his version first.

World Blood Donor?

Day 15 off Friendster

Coffee consumed today = 0 (hurrah! also just remember that the machiato I had yesterday was a decaff!)

Managed to donate the blood at last, I had been thinking about doing so for months since HSA rejected me last April because I no longer had an address there (I guess Singapore was so afraid that people having some diseases (like HIV) would use the blood donation as a test center instead of seeing a proper physician) I dropped by Red Cross yesterday but it was too late as the clinic close at 4.30pm, lucky I had to go to town again this morning. Good blood wouldn't achieve its purpose if it's still in my body, better set it free. I have a little problem of dehydration even though I drink 3-4 litre of water each day. Since giving blood this morning I felt more cold sores were incubating. I should really see doctor about this nagging condition.

While I was there, I noticed many announcement boards boasting "The World Blood Donor Day", and the date given was 14th of June. This question then popped up:

Why should June 14th be the world blood donor day?

a) is it the worldwide median of blood donors' birthdate?

b) is it the day with highest record of blood donated?

c) is it the day there was the highest record of blood required?

d) is anyone born on June 14th required more blood than others?

e) is anyone born on June 14th donated the highest record ever?

.

.

.

my silly brain can come up with twenty or so silly explanations. but I'll try to forget them

Afterwards I went to Paragon, got into supermarket and admired the gourmet salad bar. There it doubles the price of salad at Sizzlers but the stuffs are with far higher quality, and better taste too. I wish there was such salad bar in Singapore when I lived there, I wouldn't eat anything else and wouldn't have to trouble myself making own salad!

Yawn! 4 days to final exam and I haven't read a single page. I either worked on my jeans revamp project or writing a blog. Promised my classmates to come up with the summary of marketing frameworks and modules to memorize for the final.. I intend to stay up all night to work on it..

May god please bless me..

Sad movie

Day 13 off friendster
Coffee consumed: one cup per day since Saturday

Movie of the day : Sad movie (Korean 2005)

Watched it with a girl friend on Sat night and we both cried our eyes out. There are 4 relationships in the movie: 2 couples, a girl falling in love and a mother & child. It started off like a cute, breezy Korean love stories so that to unexpected viewers like me, we almost forgot about the title (or actually thinking it's just a misleading title, like that of my sassy girl) and believed for a while that this is a movie about love, not sadness. Each pair had already have a conflict in the relationship and each had worked hard on it in the way that we, without knowing, already give them our full supports. I especially like the character of this girl who couldn't speak and has a burnt scar on her cheek. She worked as a mascot in amusement park so she got to wear the costume and didn't need to speak all day long. She fell in love with this artist who, waiting for his departure to go study abroad, came to draw in the park everyday (oh, isn't he the cutest boy in the whole wide world?) and they developed a silent bond while the boy never got to see her face nor hear her voice. It's very sweet that I wished they would be together after the girl revealed her face and her handicapped self to him at the end. But of course it's a sad movie, when it came to the end of this relationship, it broke my heart. The same happened each time the other relationships broke down one by one.

On a totally different note, I couldn't help but noticing all Korean actors and actresses possess such perfect skin! Looked like the girls didn't wear any make up at all and yet they looked perfectly radiant. Darn...the only chance I could ever look like that is to pray for it in the next life!